I'm all over the place on this one!

I can't believe you're almost over June! I guess the craziness of this month is probably why I constantly think it is still the first week of June and then I'm floored when I hear what day it really is (this happens daily). Craziness is all relative- any house hold with three kids three and under is defined solely by the level of chaos it can endure- we can endure a lot! Its the good chaos most of the time :)

The, oh so popular, daddy sandwich!

Tonight I had a slight glimpse of what a "more normal" life would look like. After dinner John Mark took the elders out for a walk and I gave the littlest princess a bath and put her to bed. This may seem like the norm for many but my husband not only works hard all week at his full time job but he also puts in some time at another little job throughout the week. So that means usually 5 nights a week I'm flying solo at bed time. Trying to get all three of those wild ones bathed, clothed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, books read, prayers prayed and Anna nursed. It is a wonder that I can function normally after that. But tonight John Mark was here to play with our kids while I got to put Anna to bed in peace... it was amazing. I love that the the Lord is providing for our needs through JM's jobs but I think I may start asking Him to provide a job with "normal" business hours... it would be nice:)

We do however do many normal things, like summer fun things! My fav is and always will be the sprinkler! I have found my self running through it a lime or two this summer with Anna in-tow... sadly, no pics!

My water babies! They have both just taken to water this summer... it doesn't matter where the water is, if they find it, they will be in it!

Funny faces and funny buns. I swear we don't have a bathing suit that will stay up. I can the ties so tight that I think he won't digest his food properly and still, those shorts come down!

She wishes she could get in n the action... maybe next year my love! Dang, is it me or is she beautiful? Seriously, I'm aware that I am a mom and I think my kids are all perfect and the best at everything... but she is freakishly beautiful.

Sometimes we have impromptu water fun. Like on our stroller cleaning day... Bean got a hold of that hose and we were all soaked:) It was good. Have I mentioned that I love our yard?

Sometimes the heat gets to be a little much for us so its off to...

CHUCK E CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!

Don't let the exclamation marks fool you... I learned that I am not a fan. I mean its good for an every-now-and-then type of thing but it was a hard to observe our culture from that place... I didn't like us very much.

Most days however, we just lay around the house, doing chores and letting life happen... its a good life.

6 months old!!!!

You may be wondering (or maybe not) why there aren't many Anna pics. Well, that is because my little one turned six months old this month!!! Dang, where has the time gone! She is my precious little bundle of love and I could literally spend an entire day cuddling with her on my bed- just the two of us, watching her move and play and just be her. She is sweet and cuddly and happy and everything a baby should be. I love her. I love her deeply. I thought that by the time I had three kids my ability to love would begin to wane... but alas it has not! With each of mine my heart has been refreshed to love again just as deeply and intense. She is no exception. This month she has cut 2 perfect little teeth and she is scooting all over our floor. I guess here n a week or two I'll have a crawler on my hards... I should do a better job cleaning my floors! Well, here are some pics of my littlest princess this month... I love you bug and my life is a better one because of you! The next 6 months are going to be a blast!

JM took this video this morning... awesome!

Enjoying Life

I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I know that its kind of a loaded statement because it implies that I haven't been enjoying life and with that there is speculation to why I haven't been. Well, lets just say that I have appreciated my life for the entire that it has been mine but there is a difference in being appreciative for something and truly enjoying it. I have appreciated all of this life's blessings including John Mark, the kiddos, friends but in this season I have not been free to enjoy these great blessings. Busyness steals my joy and pleasure. There is no time to relax an enjoy the lives before me when I am consumed with what must happen for our lives to function. And it isn't just people that I have stopped enjoying, it is hobbies and enjoying who God created me to be. I have lost sight of the person inside the machine.

So all of that to say that I ma beginning to enjoy life again. I 'm learning to allow God to heal my heart and carry my burdens so that I can enjoy the blessings in my life. I'm relaxing more and strolling along side this life instead of always trying to be a step ahead. Most importantly, I'm enjoying my husband, this wonderful creation , because we were made for each other. When you're fighting against the pressures of life and children it is easy to forget that you have someone beside you who wants to enjoy life with you... if you'd let them. I'm loving my precious ones more actively and enjoying their lives, because they deserve to be delighted in. On the 'me' side of things, I'm enjoying reclaiming my old body, diving back into healthy-'er' eating (: , going on dates, taking classes and of course, my new-found love of taking pics of my family. I want to document our life because its amazing to me. I used to take pics because I knew that one day I would be glad I did but now I just love the process. I love getting great pics of their little faces and knowing that they are going to decorate our halls and living room. I want to look around my house and always be reminded to enjoy... enjoy it all.

Here are a few of my favorite pics as of late:

Sleeping princess

My pretty girl

Love those legs!

Seriously, steals my heart

a girl and her daddy

Miss silly

Loves to play

Mr Silly

and sillier

yes, she is sound asleep

big blue eyes

makes my heart smile

I'll leave you with this lovely image of JM wearing my sun glasses... he sure can make pink look manly!

Well, I should be studying... but I'm going to go pour juice, roll around on the floor, nurse a beautiful baby, start dinner and smile a lot with my amazing, God breathed family.

Life Anew

I feel alive. I feel like God has heard us. I feel like he is smiling, for the first time in, dang I don't even remember how long its been. I have always known that we are a family that has lived in the blessing of the Lord. He has been gracious to us, when we have run away, and even when I have turned my back on him. Who is this God that loves us? It hurts me to think of the depth of his love, and yet, I have accepted it as something insignificant, and small. Not even that, let me see if I can explain it. Sometimes I see the Lord like he was the guy that had bad timing leaving a restaurant. You know how that works, when your wanting to go get in your car, and you get stuck holding the door open for people. I feel like that was God, wanting to go do other stuff, but we just happened to be there in time, and because he has a reputation of being a "nice guy" he decides to keep holding the door as my family walked into the restaurant. We have all been there. We all smile as families come in, and then the next family right behind them, and the next, and on and on....before long, you just get annoyed, and wonder who will step up and hold the damn door for their own party coming in to eat. I have felt like God has had that attitude for me and my family for a long time....now I feel different. We have been crying out for God to show up, and have felt like there was literally a wall between our prayers and his ears. I now see that it has been my sin, stubbornness and rebellion against the Lord, that I, not him, have created that barrier.

We are turning the corner. We are in such a good place. It is not the easiest place, but man it is sweet and good. Bekah has been an incredible source of showing strength, and inspiration of what Jesus would do. I am blown away by this woman. She has shown me love, and I am positioning myself to let her know, that it is well understood and recieved.

Bekah and I have always dreamed of continuing our life, after kids, as carefree and laid back as it was before we had them. It hasn't been that way. Life has gotten in the way, and in the process it has made me a parent that is regularly frustrated, and often going from laid back daddy to easily frustrated very quickly. The thoughts of wanting to be a consistent parent, one who sticks to his guns, and does what is right, blah blah blah, has seemingly robbed my kids of being kids. I have wanted obedience from my kids consistently without knowing the line of letting them be kids, and splash as hard as they can in the bathtub, instead of worrying about getting water all over the bathroom. I have even gone to the extreme where I despise giving baths, cause I know it will make me frustrated. It seems like you come around to being more chill in life when you get round two as Grandparents. I always wanted to be that way as the Dad, and not take life so seriously. Why is it that everything gets so serious? You feel so responsible, and that you need to do everything the way Dr. Ruth, (wait she is like the Sex doctor right?) or Laura, or Dobson would say that you do, instead of just trusting your instincts. There are no rules. I mean there are, but with each kid, you have to parent according to their personality, their needs, and how they receive love.

Its no easy task. No one said it would be. I am just so thankful for the hand that has been dealt me. I know my life doesn't look perfect. The cool thing is I don't care anymore. I know I won't parent perfectly. But dang those kids are going to know that their parents love them compeltely no matter what. I know that I won't be delivering a dozen roses to my wife every time I come home from work, but I do my best to show her in some way, every day, that I love her, just as she is. Life is way too short. I'm thankful that I am seeing this now. I have so much time. I want the world to know that my family is my priority. We are in it together. I am proud of them. I love them. I am thankful for them. You should know them too. If you don't, dang your missing out. They all rock.

...

MAKE ME WHOLE

You're the keeper of my soul
Through every drought and storm
When life leaves me worn and cold
You shelter me and peace flows

Breath of God spring new life
Spirit move through my bones
Holy love embrace me
Stir my heart, wake my soul
Bring new life and make me whole

You're the light in my dark
Through seasons all alone
When my strength wanes and fails me
You carry me when I can't walk

Mikey B

Mike Bedingfield. He was like a second dad to me. He gave me job in college and I ended up working for him for like 6 years. His family, who were always friends, became family in that time. I found comfort and welcoming in their house. I hit his truck one time and he didn't fire me. Every time I house sat for the B-fields, something broke, and he didn't fire me. I painted his upstairs bathroom horribly (I had some help!) and he didn't fire me. There are a million other things that I didn't do quite right for him but he always had grace for me. I think my favorite summer ever was one year when he was basically running summer camp (oh, the good ol' days!) and I had so much fun doing videos, driving golf carts (rumor was I broke one... I think Mikey B smoothed it all over for me... love him!), and staying up all night filming skits and such. Dang I was tired after that week but have Mike around always made things more fun. He was always Jesus to me and I will always love him for it.

Thanks for letting me in to your world Mikey B, because it is now my world too and it has changed me forever!

Bill Tanner

I don't have much time on my hands today BUT I want to take a minute to blog. If you know me at all, you know I love to worship. I love to encounter the Lord through music and use music to bless Him. I love to lead others into the presence of God also because He is worthy and its a small thing that I can do to bring glory to His name. I mean if I'm going to worship, why not bring everyone I can along w/ me, right? Well, Bill Tanner changed my life because he gave me the opportunity to to do something I love. Not only did he bless me giving me the opportunity to lead worship but he also believed in me far more than I believed in myself and he pushed me to sing things that I was convinced I couldn't. I used to not believe that i had a good voice and I would tell people that I couldn't really sing because there are SO many people out there who are better than I am but Bill's confidence in me made me realize that I can use my voice to bless God and others. So short and sweet. Thanks Billio :)

Brianna, Katie and Susan

Brianna, Katie or Susan, if you don't want any of this info posted, please let me know and I'll remove it.

Its the last day in Feb and the 3rd blog of my project but I have written this blog over and over in my head a million times... I'm looking forward to see how it turns out:) This particular blog goes out to 3 different ladies with 3 amazingly different stories but each of them changed me as a mom and how I love my kids, so let me start by saying thank you to each of them for sharing their journeys and teaching me so much.

I met Brianna in Minnesota when JM and I were dating and when we moved to MN as a married couple Brianna and I were fellow starbuckians and we had many mutual friends. This threw us together countless times and gave me the opportunity to see what a remarkable person Brianna is. When Brianna and her husband Ryan decided to have kids it didn't happen so easily and they chose to take fertility drugs to start the family that they dreamed of. They soon learned that their family was going to grow faster than they had expected because Brianna was pregnant with sextuplets! Crazy! You can read more about her story on her blog, which, by the way, is AWESOME! Long story short, she lost all the babies except for Sylas. Throughout her pregnancy and the loss of her 5 sweet babies, I prayed for her family and trusted the Lord with them and cried and cried when lives were lost. Her heart break drew me close to my little Zaya and even more so than before I saw her as the miracle that she is and I held her close. Brianna and her vulnerability and openness helped me appreciate my baby girl even more.

The first time I met Katie was at a mission trip meeting to Guatemala with Wesleyan Fellowship ( now Riverstone Church). She joined us on that wild and crazy trip and from that day forward was a constant presence around WF. She has always been delightful and full of joy and I loved watching the Lord change her from a sweet girl into a powerful woman of God. When Jacob was a few months old Katie and Donnie found out that the little girl they were expecting had very little chance of surviving outside of the womb. My heart broke. I literally fell to my knees immediately and praying for their sweet little Catherine and again I cried and cried. So many hours were spent praying for that little girl while I was up at night nursing my little man and the thousands of times I was seized with sadness during the day . You can read more about their story here. Another very long story made very short, Catherine survived and is an amazing little girl going strong. She went through A LOT for such a little person but let me say, what a happy, beautiful child she is. During those days I was a bit depressed but the story of little Catherine is what helped draw me close to my sweet Bean. I mean as I cried for Catherine and Katie in the early days I loved and cried tears of joy over my sweet perfect baby boy. So I can thank Katie and her story for giving me the opportunity to hold my son close and take a few moments in the midst of insanity to just LOVE him.

I knew Susan growing up and in high school we happened to date the same guy. At the same time. I know awesome right? The retard thing is that in high school you don't get mad at the guy, you get mad at the other girl... oh, how foolish high school is. Through out it all though Susan was always kind and didn't do the usual 'bitchy' girl thing. After high school we all went our separate ways and I loss touch with most people from high school but as I got older I had more and more respect for Susan. I would run into her here and there around M-town and I was happy to see that she was happy. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my littlest girl I ran into her brother (a long time friend) at Kroger and he asked me to pray for her because the little boy that Susan was due to deliver passed away that day and that night Susan was going to be induced to deliver her little man that she would never get to know. Again, I was a broken person. I cried the entire way home and Jm and I prayed for Susan and her family. I kept up with her story on her blog and prayed constantly that as I grieved for them that the Lord would relieve her of a small portion of her pain. I can't imagine being in her shoes. She has more strength than I could ever imagine having. Her struggle changed my life and again I loved my little ones a bit more intentionally and I prayed for my yet to be born little one with more fervor.

So the pain of these beautiful girls brought tremendous sadness to my own heart but each of them reminded me to love the treasures that I have. I can't thank them enough and I pray the Lords greatest blessings for each of them because Brianna, Katie and Susan are AMAZING and the Lord has used them powerfully in my life and I know many others.