Jacob

Jacob, our chosen one. When I was 7 months pregnant with Jacob we still had not decided on a name for him. We had a name but it didn't feel right so we scrapped it at went back to a nameless baby:) One night while in bed I had this sense of urgency about finding a name for our little man so I immediately hopped, ok so its hard to hop when you are 7 months pregnant, I lugged myself out of bed at began praying for my little man. Almost instantly I felt the Lord tell me that He calls him Chosen. So in my handy baby name book I looked up chosen but there were not any names that meant chosen, that I felt were right for him. So I went back to God and asked if we were supposed to name him Chosen because that seemed a little unkind for a boy. So then I strongly felt the need to read Isaiah 41 and this is what it said:

"But you, O Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendants of Abraham my friend,

I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

So then and there I knew his name was Jacob and that is who he has been ever since.

We call our little man Bean and he has been a bundle of fun from day one. Let me explain now how Jacob Bean has changed my life. Jacob has humbled me. He showed me what grace is all about. 4 weeks after Jacob was born my life changed massively. We moved home and moved into a friends basement, John Mark was working up to 17 hours a day, so I was literally a single mom trying to balance living in a dark basement with 2 very young kids, with a very uncertain future. So Jacob in all of his innocents was thrown in to my depression BUT he was nothing but joy. To this day he reminds me of the beauty that comes from ashes. He is my picture of grace! He is full of joy and, oh, how he loves. He literally catches my heart each day. When I see him and how amazing he is it shows me that God is the one that created and forms our children, not us. Jacob is sweet and has a smile that fills a whole room. Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. He has trouble obeying some times and can pout with the best of them but just one look at those big blue eyes melts my heart.

This year at Christmas I think there was a moment that summed up what my little man has had to face his entire life. We were at my parents and there we lots of people there and Jacob was very clingy. By the end of the evening Anna was melting down so we had to quickly head for home. I remember at one point looking down at Jacob with his eyes full of tears reaching up wanting to be held in the chaos and I had to tell him that I couldn't hold him right now. Uh. It makes me cry even now. He is my child that needs quality time, he needs to know that he is important.

So Jacob, I just want you to know that you are my little prince. You have taught me more about love, forgiveness and grace than our other babies. You, sir, have been chosen for this family, for this generation and for this world. You are a great man and I love you more than words. I wish I could go back and hold you all those times you needed to be held and I couldn't be there. The excitement that you always show teaches me to be excited for this life. I will always love you and I pray that you will live a life confident in that love and the love of your daddy and of God. You were created for great things.

I love you Buddy!!!!

I'll be posting again tonight to make up for my lack of post yesterday. Yes, I know, ay 2 and I'm already slacking:)