Its worth the risk

I've heard it said over and over again how people miss the excitement, adventure and risk of their life before having kids and settling down. I've said it myself a time or two. Come to find out I'm living the grandest adventure and risking it all to love the people God has given me. It is thrilling and terrifying in the same breath. To love someone so completely, so unashamedly... there is nothing more risky. I need to remember to embrace each adventure with the ones I love because everything in their little lives is a new adventure. I need to breathe them in so that I don't have to regret a missed moment we could have shared. I want to look back on my life and know that I did everything I could to love God completely and from the life that that brings, I was able to love the wonderful man I get to journey with as well as the three precious ones we get to teach along the way. I don't want to miss a moment. I never want to miss an opportunity to say 'I love you. Just as you are.' Because I do.

I'm getting excited!!!

This evening I was thinking about our little boy and thinking about the goodies he will get to use of IGN's when he arrives. We have all the 'baby necessities' thanks to big sister and those who hooked her up when she was on the way:) Here at Bethany a family has offered us a double stroller and I am PUMPED! It will make life much easier being able to roll them both around instead of carrying one in a sling or something and strolling the other. (Although I'm sure that will happen a few times.) I am realizing what an amazing privilege it is having TWO little ones in our house and I'm getting so excited. At first I was all nerves wondering what it would be like and knowing that it would be a challenge but the nervousness is becoming excitement as I realize that he's 14 weeks away from being here with us! I know it will be hard and I'm trying (if that is possible!) to prepare for it but more than anything God is confirming in my heart over and over again what a blessing my family is. I mean I can say that they are a blessing all day long but the Lord is stirring my heart for my family like He does a person for a people group or a nation. I think many mothers and women feel this way especially if the longing of their hearts was always to be a mom. It was never a 'passion' of mine to have a family and to be a stay at home mom so it has taken me longer than the average girl to get to this place. Don't get me wrong I have adored JM and my little angel but I never felt like this was my 'life's calling' and that what I was doing was bring glory to God and inviting the Kingdom of Heaven. (I hope I'm making sense.) But God is doing a new thing in my heart and showing me that where I am is where I have been called and serving and inspiring my family is the desire of my heart. Sometimes its easy to go through the days looking forward to nap times and feeling guilty because my house is lacking in cleanliness and beauty but all I have to say is that "its all gonna burn anyway" (quote from Caroline-thanks!) so why not put my time and energy into what is eternal and that is the spiritual climate of my house and the lives that are in it. No, I'm not going to let my house go to pot but if my girl (and soon my boy) need extra time with me, I'm going to let the dishes pile up for the day or let the kitchen floor have some extra crumbs on it. I LOVE my family and I am passionate about them and their spiritual well-being. I long to be the wife and mom that God is calling me to be. There are no pressures of this world that can tell me what we NEED to be a happy, healthy family, there is only the TRUTH of God and the revelation of the Spirit that will sustain us and give us what we need. I always wanted to be a worship leader somewhere in my heart and now I realize more than ever that I am, I have the honor of joining with John Mark and leading our family before the throne of God every day. I am blessed and humbled that God saw me fit to place these lives in my hands.

I didn't plan on getting off on this little tangent, but whatever, it was obviously wanting to get out:) I think I'm just excited about this new precious life under our roof and tonight I even filled out a baby registry just for fun to get more excited about him. He is a miracle and just as God used IGN to open my eyes to so much, He is already using this little guy to make me more and more aware of His goodness. I am thankful.

The boy is a healthy one!

In the past 24 hours God has very obviously answered 2 of my prayer requests. I'll start with last night. Last night I was praying with IGN before bed and her room felt so cold. It has been this way all through the fall and now that its winter it is so much worse. The window by her rocker has been drafty and each morning when I walk in her room its like 10 degrees colder than the rest of the house- sad! So last night night as I prayed with her I asked the Lord to make her room warm... why i didn't pray for this sooner? I have no idea. So around 10pm she cried a wierd little cry so I went her room to make sure she was ok and I rocked her for a minute. It was so cold in there that I was contemplating putting up her pack-n-play in our room for the night until we could get a good space heater (they kind of scare me). I decided that right then I was going to investigate the window. So with the girl in my arms (I eventually put her on the floor), I took the screen off the window and there was SNOW on the inside window sill!! Ok, so I realized the window was never locked shut and it opened little by little over the past few months. So I got the window locked shut and its like a new room! So God didn't 'make it warmer' but once I gave the concern to Him, He opened my eyes to the problem. I was just blessed by His desire to meet me immediately. So yay for a warm night sleep for my girl!

Next is my prayers for my little boy. About 5 weeks ago I had and ultra sound appointment and there were some cysts on the organ in the brain that produces spinal fluid. I was told that it is somewhat common (like 1 in 20) normal children had the condition in utero. But they felt the need to do a more detailed ultra sound to make sure there were no 'markers' for any kind of chromosomal abnormalities. Well my little boy is perfect and he didn't have ANY of the markers they were looking for! The perinatologist said that there is almost no chance that our boy would would have an issue without at least one marker, so we're good! I was confident going in there that the Lord heard our prayers and protected and directed every bit of his development. We got a few more pictures of this cute little guy and I'm going to try to scan them and post them soon. Thank you all for your prayers for our baby boy, we appreciate it so much!!!

"Who are any of us?"

That quote is from a great little piece in "A Mighty Wind", a Christopher Guest Classic. I love his movies and I love the people that laugh at the movies with me. Its just quality. "Corkey, you gotta live!" -Parker Posie in Waiting for Guffman

Anyway, just silliness. This morning I was sitting in my living room enjoying the sunny morning and our Christmas tree while my girl was sleeping and JM was handling family business and insurance stuff (UGH!). The night before I had experience some revelation about my life with God and how I'm willing to sacrifice obvious things to the Lord like, monetary things or luxuries or even comforts but when it comes down to it, I want to think whatever I want to think and go about my day doing whatever I want to do. I have not given over the 'mundane' to the Lord because I assumed He wasn't interested in my trips to the grocery store or the number of dirty diapers I've changed or how many meals I have made and cleaned up off the floor. I just figured if it was kind of boring to me then it must be boring to Him, right? I mean there are people out there doing AMAZING things to bring Him glory and preaching AMAZING messages that are drawing thousands to Him... so my diapers aren't much to get invested in (there not actually MY diapers). Well, i realize how sorely mistaken I am. God loves us to such a great degree that Jesus gave up all the riches and glory of heaven to visit this painful, sinful earth and die so that I could commune with God while I am living the mundane. Jesus didn't die so that only those who are doing HUGE things could commune with the Father. He died so that I, house wife and mother, could live a life of nearness with my King. I can worship and feel His presence as I am folding clothes, vacuuming, doing dishes, reading the same book to IGN for the 14th time in 30 minutes. My life is meant to bring Him glory, it is the constant focus of my heart on Him that brings Him pleasure. I don't need to be out conquering the world for His name as long as I am here and listening to beat of His heart and giving my self to him in thought and deed. I want to be found faithful to Him no matter what my circumstances may be. I want to be faithful to JM, IGN and little one by praying for them and living a life before them that reveals the One I love (even while making meals or going to the grocery store). God has blessed me beyond measure and it is up to me to decide to bless Him with my life, even what I perceive as boring.

This morning I read, "Let those that love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 97:10
I realized that I don't hate evil at all, actually, I enjoy it. i know this because of the things that I see on TV and I am not offended by it, much less angry at it. So today I have started making an effort (with the help and grace of God) to love what is good and at least be more aware of what is evil and not to take any pleasure in it. I really want to be completely His and I know I'll mess up a gazillion times more but I'm taking baby steps and I pray that one day I will be called by Him, 'faithful one'.

really?

My current feelings about life are changing... all of my expectations and thoughts 'are being slightly adjusted to view life a little differently. I don't know what we're doing and how we have managed to take life so seriously but I think we're done with all of that (for the time being). I think JM and I have always felt that call to do missions but never had a clear picture of what it meant for us. I mean we've seen others do it and we've participated here and there and although we have loved our experiences, we never had any clear vision. I have always felt that if you are 'called' to missions that you are being disobedient for not going immediately (or working towards going) even if you have no clue what you're doing and no direction. So for the past few years I have carried around an unending feeling of guilt that I'm not who I am supposed to be and I'm disappointing God in the process. Thats not the best of feelings and I'm glad that God in all of His gentleness can show me where I have made-up my own views of Him.
I have heard a statement recently and its not 'gospel truth', its just one person's take on what we are doing here on earth. They called this life an internship for the up-coming life with the Lord and all that we are doing and growing in here is what will determine what we DO in heaven. I know sounds crazy to some, normal to others. This theory goes along with the whole we will 'rule and reign' with Christ, and gong along with that, we will be DOING SOMETHING while with Him . So anyway, his view is that what we pursue now will give direction to what we DO when we are with the Lord. Take it for what its worth.
OK.... ALL OF THIS TO SAY, that it makes me realize that what I pursue here on this planet better be something that I love (whether or not this little theory is remotely true) because its what I may be doing for eternity. Even if this theory is WAY off and heretical, I believe that God has given each of us such beautiful and distinct gifts and if we don't pursue them and grow in them then we are denying who we were made to be. I think so many of us go through life feeling like who we are at the core of our beings isn't good enough so we work so hard to become some thing greater and more appealing to this world that all the while we are rejecting the ONE who created us.
So, from now on, my life's purpose is to know the One that created me and to give myself over to being HIS CREATION and not making myself into what I feel like this world needs. God knows what this world needs and if He wants to meet the needs of the world in some way through me He is going to have put the desire and the vision and the ability in me. Someone once said that we need to BEHOLD to BECOME, meaning that we don't make ourselves into greatness but only in the presence of God can we be transformed. Duh, but for me its huge.
So now with no pressures but to know God, JM, IGN, Sweet Pea and I can move through this life focused on the Lord and pursuing the passions He has placed in our hearts, and if we look foolish to everyone else and no one gets us, its ok because we belong to the King of Kings and in the end HIS pleasure in us is all we need.
Love to all and I pray that this post blesses you all in some way:)

Ok, on a lighter note: here are IGN pics... she likes to wear her pumpkin hat from halloween all the time now... its comedy!

God is good. I am enjoying what is going on here, and my girls are loving life here too. Isaiah Grace is making more friends than Bekah and I are (actually she draws them to us with her smile, and wave- she waves to everyone here, and we leave a room? She is waving to everyone and saying "Bye-Bye!") We have an incredible child, who most of yall in Georgia probably wouldn't even recognize at this point as she is so different from when we left.

Today I was walking across the campus lawn, the air was crisp, the wind was threatening winter, fall has arrived! Bekah says it is her favorite time of year, and I think I am with her. Its just the perfect temperature here. Minnesota may not offer the most comfortable winters but they have amazing fall seasons. We went from 80s and 90s to 40s and 50s in like a day. There were actually a few days when it was colder in Atlanta than it was here. Bekah has become freakishly observant of the weather, as she now has to dress two in the morning.

I wanted to say that the Lord has blessed us a lot so far. We have everything we need here, and then some, cause thats just how the Lord rolls. He loves to give good things to his children. For some reason they waived our rent here for the month of September. Amazing. I just wanted to let everyone know that God is blessing us. We don't know what kind of support is going to come in, but I felt like God told me this week to not worry, but to trust him. I think he is also opening up a job for me on campus, more on that as it unfolds.