My current feelings about life are changing... all of my expectations and thoughts 'are being slightly adjusted to view life a little differently. I don't know what we're doing and how we have managed to take life so seriously but I think we're done with all of that (for the time being). I think JM and I have always felt that call to do missions but never had a clear picture of what it meant for us. I mean we've seen others do it and we've participated here and there and although we have loved our experiences, we never had any clear vision. I have always felt that if you are 'called' to missions that you are being disobedient for not going immediately (or working towards going) even if you have no clue what you're doing and no direction. So for the past few years I have carried around an unending feeling of guilt that I'm not who I am supposed to be and I'm disappointing God in the process. Thats not the best of feelings and I'm glad that God in all of His gentleness can show me where I have made-up my own views of Him.
I have heard a statement recently and its not 'gospel truth', its just one person's take on what we are doing here on earth. They called this life an internship for the up-coming life with the Lord and all that we are doing and growing in here is what will determine what we DO in heaven. I know sounds crazy to some, normal to others. This theory goes along with the whole we will 'rule and reign' with Christ, and gong along with that, we will be DOING SOMETHING while with Him . So anyway, his view is that what we pursue now will give direction to what we DO when we are with the Lord. Take it for what its worth.
OK.... ALL OF THIS TO SAY, that it makes me realize that what I pursue here on this planet better be something that I love (whether or not this little theory is remotely true) because its what I may be doing for eternity. Even if this theory is WAY off and heretical, I believe that God has given each of us such beautiful and distinct gifts and if we don't pursue them and grow in them then we are denying who we were made to be. I think so many of us go through life feeling like who we are at the core of our beings isn't good enough so we work so hard to become some thing greater and more appealing to this world that all the while we are rejecting the ONE who created us.
So, from now on, my life's purpose is to know the One that created me and to give myself over to being HIS CREATION and not making myself into what I feel like this world needs. God knows what this world needs and if He wants to meet the needs of the world in some way through me He is going to have put the desire and the vision and the ability in me. Someone once said that we need to BEHOLD to BECOME, meaning that we don't make ourselves into greatness but only in the presence of God can we be transformed. Duh, but for me its huge.
So now with no pressures but to know God, JM, IGN, Sweet Pea and I can move through this life focused on the Lord and pursuing the passions He has placed in our hearts, and if we look foolish to everyone else and no one gets us, its ok because we belong to the King of Kings and in the end HIS pleasure in us is all we need.
Love to all and I pray that this post blesses you all in some way:)
Ok, on a lighter note: here are IGN pics... she likes to wear her pumpkin hat from halloween all the time now... its comedy!