The story of the amazing Zaya! Part 1

I feel like I need to post. Almost as a way to decompress all the emotions and energy that went into last weekend. Our life jumped immediately back into 'wild' once we got home so I think I need to revisit the feelings, the pain, the joy. I think its going to be a long one.
  
      A week ago today we rushed my little girl to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital with a large abscess in the back of her throat. Let me go back a little farther. About 4 weeks ago my children ALL got sick with a miserable cold and cough. They ALL were put on albuterol breathing treatments every 4 hours. Zaya and Bean were moved to inhalers after a couple weeks as well as antibiotics because of some suspicious lung stuff that the doc wasn't sure if it was pneumonia or bronchitis. Well, this inhaler/antibiotic combo gave Zay a terrible case of thrush which coated her throat. So on Monday, a week and half ago, I took my girl in to see the doctor again because I thought she had strep throat. They did the culture, nope. We went home. Thursday: Zay started to lose movement in her neck. She couldn't tilt her head up to wash her hair in the tub. I noticed she had trouble turning her head from side to side and she had a lymph node that was beginning to swell so bad on her neck that you could see the swelling. Friday: back to the doc. I pointed out the gland and the fact that I thought she had thrush as well. The doc treated her for the thrush with a mouth wash but didn't really address the lymph node. Friday night was rough, I gave her Motrin so she could sleep but she still just looked like she was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. Saturday: We all went to Bean's soccer game and Zay want eating the doughnut we grabbed for her breakfast. We don't eat doughnuts EVER so I just felt weird about it. For the past couple days her appetite was ZERO so it had been a while since she had eaten- I just assumed her throat was sore. After the game we headed home, ate lunch, or in Zaya's case, didn't, and bedded down for naps. Zaya's neck was so out of whack that by this point it hurt to lay down, her lower jaw was beginning stick out in a weird under bite and her voice sounded like a cartoon character. I called the nurse and explained the past few weeks and told her that I wasn't being 'crazy mom lady' who was over protective of her daughter's sore throat and looking for another chance to get sit back in another waiting room. Well, after telling her about the swollen lymph node and the now, low-grade fever, she told me to take her to an urgent care office and have seen again.

This is Zay at urgent care, trying to smile. Her head is cocked to the side because it hurt to keep it straight.

    Zay and I abandoned nap time (I was so tired) and headed to the local Children's satellite office where we waited for 2.5 hours. I gave her milkshakes, Popsicles, anything to try to get her to get some calories in her body but by this time she couldn't ever swallow her saliva easily. I went up to the counter a number of times asking if I could PLEASE get someone to look at her, but, protocol is protocol. I understood, I have a reasonable respect for rules and orderly systems. Finally we made it to back and the very kind doc ordered some x-rays. We had them taken (which was very painful for Zay because of how she had to move her neck) and once the doctor saw them he called me out to see. What I saw on that screen terrified me. There was the largest bulging abscess behind my tiny girl's throat. It was pushing her trachea forward which was causing her lower jaw to jut out. The doctor said he had made the call to have her admitted to the ER. I started to get my keys out of my bag and asked if I should take her to Kennestone and he informed me 'no'. I was told that and ambulance was on its way to take us to Scottish Rite in Atlanta because they we're concerned about her airway becoming obstructed. Stop. Things got really serious. I held my girl as a million thoughts rushed through my mind, a million scenarios, some with happy endings, others not. The 'nots' scared me. I'm not a worrier. I Honestly have never really allowed myself to enter the world of thought of ever losing one of my babies. Even as friends have had to go there, I grieved for them knowing that I couldn't visit that place in my mind- it was too scary.

At this point she hadn't eaten for 4 days and had a really hard time sleeping. It was terrible.

      They put my precious treasure, my gift from God, on that stretcher and buckled her in and I watched as they slid her little body into the back of the ambulance. I smiled and told her that I would be up front with the driver (I wasn't allowed in the back) and once they closed the doors my mind went to the scary places. What was this huge mass in her neck? How would they get it out? What if there we're complications? What if it ruptured? What if the worse happened? I realized that I had gone to a scary place when I noticed that I was hanging on to the picture we colored together in the doctors office because somewhere in me I realized it could be her last. This made seem dramatic to some but I was so uncertain and Zaya was SO sick. I lost my ability to keep my mind in a happy place. I mean I could coax my self into positive thinking but there was the dark thought that remained and hovered. It truly was my worst nightmare.

I need to stop for now. All these emotions are kind of hard. I'll finish the beautiful triumph tomorrow! I love a happy ending.