Missionaries

There is this school of thought that if you can't minister in your current surroundings then chances are you won't be effective as a missionary over seas. This statement, intended to make people intentional about ministering where they are, really just cripples me. I want to impact my world for Jesus because He is worthy of the adoration of ALL people but I just don't know how to do that here, in this house, in this neighborhood, in this city. I just don't know.

Being present...

Right now I'm anxious but I'm choosing to just BE in my anxiousness. I think our culture does ourselves a disservice by rejecting our varying emotions for the sake of 'taking our minds off' of something. I was watching a movie that was mindless and purposeless to remedy my feeling. Why do feelings need a remedy? Sometimes I feel out of touch with my God because I waste so much time 'taking care' of my emotions instead of embracing them for what they are and turning to Him for directions as to what to do with them. The bible says to not be anxious for anything but with prayer and supplication present your requests before God. So then why do I feel the need to distract my anxious thoughts instead of just presenting my cares before God? My worries and concerns should drive me into the presence of the most wonderful, peaceful God. I love the rest He brings my soul. I don't have to run or turn to temporary fixes, there is true rest for me. Its like taking a true, deep, top to bottom breath when you feel like you've been slightly holding your breath for so long.  Its good to just be here and to stop for a minute and take time to FEEL. 

 

On another (somewhat similar) note:

 I got to spend some awesome time the other day with my youngest bundle of fun. We rarely get fun time together because sweet little Anna is scooped up and shuttled around town where ever the day's activities takes us.

 Well last week we just got to sit outside together and play in the grass and enjoy a beautiful, peaceful morning. I'm learning more and more about this little one with each day that I am given with her. She's totally coming into her own and I LOVE WHO SHE IS!!!!!!

 She's a very cautious little one when it comes to walking or doing things that involve being more than a foot off the ground. But she is curious and loves to 'go'. She wants to be doing things with the big kids and you can watch her sweet face while she is watching them and see the great desire she has to be 'out there'.

 Well, that will all come in time. Right now I'm glad she is still a cuddly little one who needs here mama to hold her and help her out. I delight in her smile and her happy disposition... she enjoys being enjoyed.

Fixing her sister's jeep!

 I've heard it said that the 3rd child is typically the happiest. I can see that in Anna. She's just happy to do whatever and go along for the ride. I think she has her daddy's laid back, fun attitude. She is perfect fit to this family and I'm thankful everyday to call her mine.

 Oh, sweet girl, I just want to breathe you in!

Truth

Sometimes my feelings get hurt... Really its not to often. When it does happen though it kind of gets me in the gut. Sadly when I get beyond the hurt feelings and hold the word that was spoken out at arms length, I can see the truth in it. Why is it that when I am seen as what I am and not what I want people to see that I am put off my someone else's honest insight? Am I more disappointed and my inability to put on a good show? I don't know, I'm not perfect, I'm not who I WANT to be. There is a better version of me out there. For now I can only rely on the Spirit to lead me today. Who I am tomorrow isn't up to me.
Cute kids make things better:

Anna made this face the entire day! It made for some impressive pics! Ha! But Zaya's face is priceless!! So Sweet!!!

Its life or death for someone...

The past few weeks the Lord has been challenging me to wake up.  "Wake up o sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine upon you." Eph 5:14  Nothing super radical has happened but my heart has a longing that has not been awakened in a while. If anyone has 63 minutes, take a minute to listen to Tammy Hutchins' message from this past Sunday at Vintage 242. Vintage242.org Mind blowing. Eye opening. Heart breaking. Passion. It has it all people. Since listening to Tammy's talk and listening to a clip of Misty Edwards explaining what abandonment looks like to her, I'm just kind of out in left field with my glove on my head, staring at the sky in wondering what I can do to make things better.

I had a revelation today that broke my heart. Let me preface by saying that I keep heart ache at arms length, maybe I'm a little scared of it or something but for the most part I don't invite it into my life. I don't watch emotional movies, read emotional books and if one of those 'feed the children' commercials come on, I change it with a quickness. I guess I 'm kind of all-or-nothing. If I'm going to grieve over the heart break of this world, then I'm going to live my life heart broken. So this morning JM and I were chatting about living with less excess and I realized that in that moment when we were talking that there were babies and children who were living that would not still be alive by the time the sun set tonight because they lack simple things like appropriate clothing, food, places to sleep. Each time I run to chic-fil-a because I need my life to be easier there is a child fight to survive and my $12 easy meal could have helped that. Then I rationalize it and say sadly, that child isn't going to directly benefit from my $12 even if I gave it today. BUT i realized that if I had taken a step back with each of my purchases in "excess" and thought that this money is life or death for someone today that I would have spent it differently. I would have used SO much more of it to aide the many friends I have already serving over seas, saving lives everyday.

I need Jesus. I need the heart of Jesus to live a life that is completely abandoned to pull and pressures of Marietta, GA and American standards. I love America and the freedoms I have here. I just need Jesus in me to to out weigh the desire to have stuff. Today is life or death for someone. How can I live my life to give more people the chance to have life?