You're in my world now Grandma!

I know that many people see Isaiah and say how cute she is, but let me say that they have NO IDEA how cute she really is! I know every mom feels this way and thats why I don't feel like I'm being too proud. This girl amazes me and I am completely devoted to her. I say all of this because the other night I BROKE DOWN! I don't mean a little reminiscent of how life used to be or maybe a little down because I can't eat, sleep, think, pray, talk, read, play, breathe, run, drive, shop, write blogs or have friends when I WANT to, I mean I broke down. There was a little sobbing involed, a blank stare on my face for about 48 hours, baby food on my tee-shirt that i wore for the same 48 hours, little unsolicited conversation and a whole lot of talking to God. It was so weird! I mean every time I was with Isaiah her smile would brighten my day but I felt completely alone and kind of hollow. Annie came by on Tues to bring flowers for Isaiah and me from JM for Valentines and as she left she asked if we would ever be friends again and i was like, 'I don't know, maybe one day.' There was nothing odd about that, just normal joking between friends who rarely are serious. I went inside realizing that right now I don't feel like I have the luxury of 'friends'... so i cried about it. Basically it was one big massive pity party that lasted a couple days and now looking back I wish I could have smack myself out of it! I mean seriously each of us have about 6-9 months of our lives where life is all about us and right now Isaiah has hers. I had my mine 28 years ago, why should I deny her hers? I have a JEWEL of a baby. I mean she's WONDERFUL and she is good and she is healthy, so what the heck was I complaining about?! Being a mom is such a rare opportunity to be the center of someone's world for a short time and yes, life isn't wat it was, but DANG its awesome. I love Isaiah Grace and she is worth every sacrifice and so much more and I could kick myself for acting so poorly.
Ok, for the cute stuff...
Isaiah and her cousin Selah were dedicated on Sunday... adorable! Selah is crazy and fun and Isaiah is more reserved and cautious but both are freakishly cute in their own little ways. Selah talked through the whole first part of the service and Isaiah just looked at her like 'do you realize that there are PEOPLE looking at you?' Isaiah is not one for drawing attention to her self. (She gets that from her dad.)
The girl is now a rolly-polly, she is rolling all over the place and she so fat and chubby doing it. I love her! She is munching on solids (a little bit even goes in her mouth!) and staying awake for longer stretches, life is good and I am so thankful. We read books and her fav. is a Veggie Tale book from her Aunt Jeanney Poo because its a cloth book and she can chew on while I read. Just so you know how crazy my hormones are, today I love my life, yesterday I cried. I'm a freak.
So this is my world and I love all of the people in it. i wish I could see many of them a whole lot more, but for now I'll take what I can get:)

PS: Annie, sorry you had to see me in my t-shirt covered in baby food.

Why I wish I were an artist

I want to start by saying to is Grey's Anatomy Day! I always wake up on Thursdays with a bit of a spring in my step (even when its nasty and rainy out side ) because I know that it is the night of my favorite guilty pleasure. Sometimes I wonder if I'll feel guilty for my love of this show when I see Jesus face to face. Will I wonder why i wasted an hour every week on a mindless, silly TV show? I'm sure when i see His face i wont care about anything except that which i will be gazing upon for eternity. i wish I could see it now and then Grey's anatomy wouldn't be so exciting and I would wake up everyday pumped that 'today i get to see my Jesus' face'. Sadly enough i still settle for an hour of witty coments, sexual relationships and few operations thrown in for good measure. I wish I were more holy. I admire the people who don't have TVs and just enjoy those around them.
Last night after nursing, I held a beautiful sleeping baby in my arms. My breath was taken away by the way light rested on her sweet skin and the shadows gave her features greater definition. At that moment I would have given any talent I have to be able to paint a picture of that face. Just that one and that one moment in time. It was the sweetest and at the same time the strongest fase i have ever seen. it made me realize that i have a daughter who is mine for a time but who has a life of her own given to her by God. He will guide her and she will have to strength to stand for what is true. My daughter is strong, her life will change others, she has a destiny and a future that is her own. Thats why I wish I were an artist becuase for this moment in time she needs to be held and I can gaze on her sweet face in the silences of the night but it won't last forever. i just want to remember.

Just another day?

So today is already wonderful. I got to wake up (on my own!!!) next to the man that I love with all of my being. We then got to go together to pick up a happy baby out of her crib who gets so excited to see her parents that her whole body crumbles when she smiles... oh what a joy. The sun is out, the air is chilly, the fire is hot (my feet are still cold), the house is quiet and now I have a few moments to get my thoughts down in writing. I think this whole blog-thing might be therepudic for me.

Is today just another day? Is there something different about this one? Will it be the same feeding, playing, napping, dishes, laundry that is always seems to be? I don't think so. I think that in the will of God each day has a purpose if we seek it. I haven't had the most thrilling prayer life lately, actually it barely exists. When I try to pray I usually fall asleep, other moms tell me thats normal but I don't want it to be any more. I miss my Jesus. I miss the intimacy that was once constant. Insead of thoughts that are filled with God my thoughts are filled with the needs of a beautiful girl. I need to find that balance now between caring for my precious gift and being with the One that sustains my life. What to I have to give to Isaiah if I am not finding myself in the presence of God daily? Anyway, I think to day is different, its new, there is promise in it. Why? Because I have captured the heart of the King of kings and today I get to be with Him. I get to seek the heart of the One that i love, and know that today has purpose because I know Him more and so I have more to give back to my wonderful man and my sweet girl.