We are still here in Minnesota, and I am cold. Inside and out I am cold. I am cold on the outside, cause well sub zero temperatures are just not right. On the inside I feel I am getting cold as well. It is so hard for me to trust the Lord these days. We have just sent out a new batch of newsletters, to lots of people and it felt good to get them out. Then I realized as I was sending them that even if I were to send them to everyone in the nation, it wouldn't matter. It is up to the Lord to provide, not the connections that I have. We haven't really much of a response since the letter went out, and I guess I just figured that when we came up here, since we knew that God called us, it would be a breeze to get full support. It has been far from a breeze, and the more time that goes by the more I find it hard to put my TRUST in the Lord, to Lean not on my own ways...etc, etc. Please know that I in no way intend to give anyone a guilt trip that is reading this, and maybe got our letter. If the Lord hasn't moved you to give, I honestly don't want you to. I am just struggling in this season, because I don't know why the provision hasn't broken free for us in this time. I know the Lord is wanting me to learn to TRUST, and to LEAN completely on him, but MAN thats hard when the bank is empty and rent is due.
The really odd thing is I know we are called here (for now). I even had a customer at my last job prophesy it over me one day, out of the blue. I told Bekah that night, and we both wrote her off as nuts. The Lord confirmed it in many ways for both of us. So we did it. We packed everything we owned up in a u-haul, and I gave up my well paying job, moved my one year old, and my pregnant wife up to Minnesota to commit to volunteer and not have any salary. My instinct as the family provider is fighting with the Lord having called us up here. Its an internal struggle that I don't know which is going to win, honestly. Often times I just want to throw in the towel, and go back to 9-5, er 7-7 in my last jobs case. No I don't want to go back to that, but you get the point. I just felt like I had to write this tonight. Maybe more for me than you. Maybe so you would know how to pray for us. I just want the Lord to find us faithful to do what he asks us to. No matter what the cost.