Edwards=Awesome

THE EDWARDS CLAN!!!

 This is Lydie Bug. She is Anna's best friend. They love each other and that is perfect. She is perfect.

 Her beautiful mom is one of my very closest friends. The kind of friend that you never have to work at to maintain the friendship. The kind of friend that will ALWAYS be a friend... even when we're 85.

 I love them, I love all 3 of them. They bless my life and give me great perspective. I don't think i would enjoy this life near as much with out them... God totally knew that!

 I look forward to walking our kids to school together one day and trying to figure out what to do when they start having crushes on boys. The great thing is that I will get to figure it all out with a friend.

 Lydie, you have a great family! You are surrounded by love and I can't wait to see who you and Anna become... its sure to shake this world!

LOVE!

Anna is 1!!!!

 

 My baby is 1. My little perfect Anna is 1. Yesterday she crossed over that huge milestone into the world of years.  She is a picture of beauty from the inside out and she has been this way for her entire first year.

 I don't have the words right now to express how much I adore this girl. I have realized that I have a deep love for each of my babies and for each of them that love is irrevocably theirs. I don't love one more than the other. I love them each completely, whole heartedly with the love that is theirs. I don't feel like their is a 'favoritism' issue because I truly can't love Jacob with the love that is for Anna or Zaya and I can't love Anna with the love that is for Jacob or Zay. Its weird. My heart is given to each of them and that love that is theirs will never go away, it will never diminish for the love of something else, it will remain invested in each of their lives forever.

 So as I sit here and try to figure out how to put my love for this beautiful one into words I know that there is no pressure to do it now or perfectly. The words will come from that deep place that limbos between elation and heart ache. The place your heart fears to go because once it enters it no longer has control. It is lost. Lost to the love of another person. Its a good place to lose your heart, scary but good.

 Anna, you are treasure. You have captured my heart and I adore you completely! Happy first birthday my littlest princess, you changed my life a year ago and I am so much better as a result of it! Your smile lights up this house and your laugh is like the best medicine money can buy. Your presence heals me. I thank God everyday for the huge blessing of you. He knew how much you were needed here :)

Fall pics anyone?

Deep breath

My littles have been asleep for about an hour and a half so I really don't have a ton of blog time. I have, however, had the chance during this time to finish up my mom's b-day present and make some pumpkin bread "muffins" with cream cheese icing for the Kirubai coffee house tonight! What! What!! (Side note: When does a muffin stop being a muffin and become a cupcake? I think its when the icing is added... so I made pumpkin cupcakes.)  Anyway, tonight is the coffee house and I've been uncharacteristically excited. Now, I get excited about things but I've been really excited about tonight. For starters, I love Tammy, she is amazing. (More on that in a moment.) Also, I love India, and I love hearing Tammy's heart for the country and for all of her littles... even though they aren't so little anymore for the most part. I think most people who venture over to this little corner of our cyber-world know Tammy and they know how great she is and how she runs solid, full on after the heart of God. Its inspiring and life changing to have a conversation with her. She doesn't paint everything with flowers and rainbows, she is has blessed me with her honesty on more than one occasion. She has been a source of laughter and encouragement in our house during her short visit here. I think what is so refreshing about her is that she breathes real, Jesus-life (I know what it is in my head even if the verbiage doesn't make sense) into whatever situation she is in and that is so rare here, in los Estados Unidos. The world we have created here is so temporary and our eyes are fixed on temporary pleasures. I love Tammy because she reminds me to look to the pleasures that are eternal. So tonight I look forward to celebrating my beautiful friend and encouraging her in the life God has called her to. Its going to be a good one!

Missionaries

There is this school of thought that if you can't minister in your current surroundings then chances are you won't be effective as a missionary over seas. This statement, intended to make people intentional about ministering where they are, really just cripples me. I want to impact my world for Jesus because He is worthy of the adoration of ALL people but I just don't know how to do that here, in this house, in this neighborhood, in this city. I just don't know.

Being present...

Right now I'm anxious but I'm choosing to just BE in my anxiousness. I think our culture does ourselves a disservice by rejecting our varying emotions for the sake of 'taking our minds off' of something. I was watching a movie that was mindless and purposeless to remedy my feeling. Why do feelings need a remedy? Sometimes I feel out of touch with my God because I waste so much time 'taking care' of my emotions instead of embracing them for what they are and turning to Him for directions as to what to do with them. The bible says to not be anxious for anything but with prayer and supplication present your requests before God. So then why do I feel the need to distract my anxious thoughts instead of just presenting my cares before God? My worries and concerns should drive me into the presence of the most wonderful, peaceful God. I love the rest He brings my soul. I don't have to run or turn to temporary fixes, there is true rest for me. Its like taking a true, deep, top to bottom breath when you feel like you've been slightly holding your breath for so long.  Its good to just be here and to stop for a minute and take time to FEEL. 

 

On another (somewhat similar) note:

 I got to spend some awesome time the other day with my youngest bundle of fun. We rarely get fun time together because sweet little Anna is scooped up and shuttled around town where ever the day's activities takes us.

 Well last week we just got to sit outside together and play in the grass and enjoy a beautiful, peaceful morning. I'm learning more and more about this little one with each day that I am given with her. She's totally coming into her own and I LOVE WHO SHE IS!!!!!!

 She's a very cautious little one when it comes to walking or doing things that involve being more than a foot off the ground. But she is curious and loves to 'go'. She wants to be doing things with the big kids and you can watch her sweet face while she is watching them and see the great desire she has to be 'out there'.

 Well, that will all come in time. Right now I'm glad she is still a cuddly little one who needs here mama to hold her and help her out. I delight in her smile and her happy disposition... she enjoys being enjoyed.

Fixing her sister's jeep!

 I've heard it said that the 3rd child is typically the happiest. I can see that in Anna. She's just happy to do whatever and go along for the ride. I think she has her daddy's laid back, fun attitude. She is perfect fit to this family and I'm thankful everyday to call her mine.

 Oh, sweet girl, I just want to breathe you in!

Truth

Sometimes my feelings get hurt... Really its not to often. When it does happen though it kind of gets me in the gut. Sadly when I get beyond the hurt feelings and hold the word that was spoken out at arms length, I can see the truth in it. Why is it that when I am seen as what I am and not what I want people to see that I am put off my someone else's honest insight? Am I more disappointed and my inability to put on a good show? I don't know, I'm not perfect, I'm not who I WANT to be. There is a better version of me out there. For now I can only rely on the Spirit to lead me today. Who I am tomorrow isn't up to me.
Cute kids make things better:

Anna made this face the entire day! It made for some impressive pics! Ha! But Zaya's face is priceless!! So Sweet!!!

Its life or death for someone...

The past few weeks the Lord has been challenging me to wake up.  "Wake up o sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine upon you." Eph 5:14  Nothing super radical has happened but my heart has a longing that has not been awakened in a while. If anyone has 63 minutes, take a minute to listen to Tammy Hutchins' message from this past Sunday at Vintage 242. Vintage242.org Mind blowing. Eye opening. Heart breaking. Passion. It has it all people. Since listening to Tammy's talk and listening to a clip of Misty Edwards explaining what abandonment looks like to her, I'm just kind of out in left field with my glove on my head, staring at the sky in wondering what I can do to make things better.

I had a revelation today that broke my heart. Let me preface by saying that I keep heart ache at arms length, maybe I'm a little scared of it or something but for the most part I don't invite it into my life. I don't watch emotional movies, read emotional books and if one of those 'feed the children' commercials come on, I change it with a quickness. I guess I 'm kind of all-or-nothing. If I'm going to grieve over the heart break of this world, then I'm going to live my life heart broken. So this morning JM and I were chatting about living with less excess and I realized that in that moment when we were talking that there were babies and children who were living that would not still be alive by the time the sun set tonight because they lack simple things like appropriate clothing, food, places to sleep. Each time I run to chic-fil-a because I need my life to be easier there is a child fight to survive and my $12 easy meal could have helped that. Then I rationalize it and say sadly, that child isn't going to directly benefit from my $12 even if I gave it today. BUT i realized that if I had taken a step back with each of my purchases in "excess" and thought that this money is life or death for someone today that I would have spent it differently. I would have used SO much more of it to aide the many friends I have already serving over seas, saving lives everyday.

I need Jesus. I need the heart of Jesus to live a life that is completely abandoned to pull and pressures of Marietta, GA and American standards. I love America and the freedoms I have here. I just need Jesus in me to to out weigh the desire to have stuff. Today is life or death for someone. How can I live my life to give more people the chance to have life?

Back to School and Birthdays

I love how sweet she is!

Not so pumped about pics but ready to play :)

She's off!

Oh, I love him!

They're so little... just two awesome little people.

I think they would have frowned upon my yelling out the window for them to bring back my babies... but I wanted to.

Zaya's birthday dinner at Sapporro! 

She loved the aquarium!

Her fairy birthday cake after I cut it and removed the fairies... I was not on top of photography for this event!

Opening presents!