Friday, January 11, 2008

Dang its been 10 years!!!

I never would have thought that Bekah and I would have been in Minneapolis this year, but as life would play out, we are here, with our second child about to make his debut. I got a message from a longtime friend on facebook today from my DTS that I took after high school. She mentioned all the changes since our DTS, 10 years ago. TEN YEARS!! I was thinking back on my journey of the last 10 years, and realized that I have covered a lot of ground. A lot of water under the bridge. A lot of dumb decisions. Plenty of good ones, many surprises, many joys, many times of doubting the Lord, and looking back and seeing how he really did come through in the right timing. Its amazing really. This God that we serve. He gives us everything we need. What amazes me is that he really does know what we need better than we do. He even knows our own hearts better than we do. It makes me wonder what suprises we will have in 08. We are going to have our second child. We are both going to turn the big 3-0. We are going to make a decision about our next move as a family....who knows what else. It is a big year for us though.

This time in Minnesota has been a searching time for both Bekah and I. Deciding if we are going to take two babies under 2 to the mission field. Deciding where we are to be, after this adventure. So far we have gotten no answer. I am tired of wandering. I know the Lord has shown up in our lives in different areas no matter where we are, but I just want consistency. As the head of the house there are many things about this that are frustrating.

#1 I want to provide for the family. When money is tight as it has been up here, I want to just quit what I am doing and go work overtime somewhere until my family can be living comfortably. The Lord has different plans. He wants us to wait. To trust. To believe. So far he has proved himself to be true. We have never been without since we took this step. (or anytime really) I doubt it will happen now.

#2 It seems like everyone around me is getting the blessing. Do yall ever feel that? Like you look at someone else's life and say, Man I wish the Lord would do that for us! Thats not a heart that the Lord wants us to have. Again he is calling us to Trust him.

#3. I don't know what my "calling" is in life. I am not sure how to find it either. It seems like most people that I know have known since the beginning of time. I have just always done the next thing that presents itself in front of me. But what if we could really do something that rejuvinates us, and is what we were created to do? That is exciting. I want to know what mine is. So the next step from here, as of now is not clear. I just want the Lord to say I want you to be a --------, or do ------. Whatever it is. We need direction. We want to be obedient. We want to be a people that trust. Our God is trustworthy. He has yet to fail us.

I just wanted to write what is on my heart. I know many of you weren't expecting a JM heart overflow, but take it or leave it thats what you get.


gigi said...

I love you, John Mark!! You have such a heart for God and are so eager to do what He wants you to so don't despair! Your willingness is exactly what God is searching for and He will be faithful to show you the next step in your journey. I am so glad you married my Bekah!

carolineb said...

We were HOPING for a JM heart overflow. Cause, that thang is good.

Sara P said...

A hearty "Amen!" to all that...and I know you know this--but He will show you. I know what you mean about looking at others and them seeming to have the blessing. But His provision in the small, everyday things, is "the blessing" as much as the huge miracles. I'm learning that over and over again. It is a daily struggle to choose to believe God for His promises over what my human mind says is probable...and it's hard. But He is good.

I didn't mean for this to be so long, but there you have it. I miss y'all. Maybe someday God will cross our paths again and we can chill and share our sugar tricks with each other...

greg. said...

now that's what i'm talking about.

that's being real, and a real man is what God is looking for.

so thanks for being real. thanks for being honest. thanks for being YOU, man. God has already used you in so many people's lives, and will continue to journey with you.

if i had any advice at all, it would simply be to not be so worried about God's plans for the future that you miss God in the present. all your calling is is to be fully alive and present right now, wherever you are.

from the sounds of it you are right where you need to be.

and you are always my brother.

Boggsy said...

I echo what Greg said. I think Jim Elliot said, "Wherever you are, be all there." That's a motto to live by. Tom Tanner said recently, "In order to walk into the desires of your heart, you have to be faithful with the ground under your feet." Or something to that effect (I probably butchered it). It is hard and I am with you brother!

Melissa said...

Hey JM those were some awesome thoughts, they articulate exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of years and that's partly why were are in Australia right now believing this is God's next step for us. Thanks for your honesty and for showing me I am not the only one that thinks these things on a regular basis.

Jeff Enns

AtlantaMama said...

JM & Bekah, thanks for this one!! MAN!!! Can we relate!! Brent lost his job, we have a baby to think about, and yet we know that God has a "calling" for us. What is that? Brent just had his 29th Birthday and I jokingly said, What do we want to be when we grow up? It's like we are there now and yet still feeling a little lost. Still seeking. Glad to know that you guys feel this way too. We pray that God will speak out a CLEAR word to yall this year. Thanks again for sharing your heart.

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