Can't wait to meet you!

Hey little pearl:)
So you should be here any day now! Its really weird because I don't feel like its any day, it seems like it could still be weeks away. I think its because life has been so crazy lately that I haven't had time to just sit and think about just you. So here I am, at 1:30 in the morning (one of many sleepless nights) just taking time to think about you and who you are and who God made you to be. We are naming you Anna because, although she was mentioned very briefly in the bible, her roll and obedience proved to be very rewarding. In Luke 2 Jesus was presented at the temple and Simeon had prophesied over him and a woman named Anna was there and she had given her life to fasting and prayer and when she saw Jesus she began to speak of him to others as the redemption of Jerusalem. So your daddy and I thought it would be a great legacy to place on your life that you too will prophesy and have a heart that beats for ONE THING. I love you little one and I pray for you now and all the days of your life that you will be strong in knowledge of who your savior is, bold in declaring the truth and wisdom He gives and a steadfast heart to go after Him no matter what competes for your attention. Anna in the Bible was blessed that she got to see Jesus face-to-face, I pray the same for you, little one, that as you pursue Him fully that you too will see Him face-to-face.
You are a huge blessing to this family already and we can't wait to hold you and hear your voice! Your sister and brother are constantly yelling into my tummy, 'HEY ANNA!' Its pretty cute but I'm afraid they may have scared you into never coming out! Seriously, the weather out here is great... well, its a little cold, but its December and this next week it will be in the 60s, I believe, so it should be a great time to see Marietta. We have your nursery ready to go and plenty of little things to keep you occupied and happy. Zaya will be a great big sis and will show you all the ropes... the girl knows her rules and how live happily w/ in those boundaries. She is sweet and she can't wait to hold you, rock you and teach you how to talk, laugh, sing and I'm sure many other wonderful things! She is a great teacher and a sweet soul. I think Bean thinks that you are some great toy that is coming at Christmas time, so we'll have to watch you close so that he doesn't get overly excited around you, he may try to throw you. He will be a great big brother and he will show you how to get the most out of this life and teach you how to balance fun with caution... ok, so it may not be too balanced... he errs more on the side of fun than caution:) I can see y'all javing many adventures together through the years. He will be fun and crazy but he will also protect you and Zay, thats what brothers are for! You are coming into a wild and crazy family, little pearl, but we love you very much and can't wait for your arrival. I pray that the Lord gives me wisdom to be the mother that you need. I know I will make plenty of mistakes and I won't get things right sometimes but I pray that the love that you get from me, your daddy and your brother and sister directs you to the ultimate Love, Jesus. You are precious to me and there are no words for how excited I am to see your sweet face! I love you little one and can't wait to walk through this life with you! You are already a treasure to us!

Here is a pic of your bother and sis with Santa on the square... if you are with us soon we're going to try to get another one with the three of you!

Hi, I'm tired, nice to meet you.

DISCLAIMER: This is pitiful and I'm sorry to all who have stumbled across this. I just have to get it out before JM gets home so we can have a nice pleasant evening:)

I'm tired of being pregnant. I have been pregnant or nursing for like 3 years. I'm tired. I know, i chose this route but for the moment I just want to know what my pant size is for longer than a month at a time. I'm tired of not being able to bend over the tub anymore to bath my other kiddos resulting in me and the floor being soaked on a bi-nightly basis. I'm tired of wanting to sit down. I'm tired of being big enough that I look like I could deliver any day but I still have 10 weeks to go. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of never feeling like I get enough done and then feeling guilty because of it. I'm tired of laundry that multiplies over night or a sink that over flows with dishes after one meal. I'm tired of dirty floors and alphabet magnets. I'm tired of being a single parent 6 days a week. I'm tired of dinners with just me and two silly kids. I'm tired. I'm tired of having 15 pairs of shoes in my car and 2 garage bags worth of junk. I'm tired of school and I'm only taking 2 classes! I'm tired of needing help from so many people all the time and then feeling like a burden. I'm tired of not having real friends anymore. I'm tired of not being able to do anything at night because JM isn't home until 9:30 or so. I am tired of stupid TV shows. I'm tired of not making time to laugh any more... or cry for that matter. I think any show of emotion would be an improvement:) I'm tired of hoping that things will wander back into their rightful place but they never do. I'm tired of never taking time for myself but feeling like I only think of myself. I'm tired of trying to balance it all. I'm tired of feeling like I never see or get to have a real conversation with JM. We used to laugh so much. I'm tired of not relying on Jesus. I'm tired of feeling so far away. I'm tired of watching life happen and wondering if I'll ever feel apart of it again. I'm tired of the few moments that I have to really encounter God not being able to stay there as long as I want. Like I said, I'm just tired.

Please forgive me for this little outlet, I needed it for just a minute. Reality is that anytime I'm tired or frustrated all I have to do is take one look at my sweet babies and it all goes away. There is no greater reason to abandon laundry, dishes and life in general than my precious ones. I have bad days and good ones and ultimately I want to be someone who loves and appreciates them all. Everyday that I get to wake up to JM's sleepy face and hear little voices calling for mama from across the hall should be the greatest days ever. I just have to pray for grace to see the beauty and treasure in the midst of all the struggle.

Wow. How's this for a welcome back to blogging after 2 months or something!

July, where did you go?

So I looked at the calendar today and realized that July is almost gone! What the heck? Was I so busy that I missed an entire month or maybe July was just shorter this year? Whatever the reason, its almost gone, I'm kind of glad because it makes fall that much closer! I heart fall... its my fav!

Drum roll please... (where's Mikey B when you need him?)

Remembering to love

I love my kids, I mean I LOVE my kids. I really feel lost whenever I'm without either of them. Sometimes I go out with friends for a ladies night or whatever but during the majority of the evening I am thinking of my husband and my little ones. its not that I feel like they can't make it with out me or anything, I just really enjoy them and I don't want to miss opportunities to be with them and JM.
So, reality is that however much I adore these bundles, I still get frustrated and I have moments where I just want a little space. So today, as i sit here during the silence of nap time with my only companion the occasional flip flop of my lovely 3rd child, I am reminded of how life gives us no promises. God gives us promises but we have no guarantee of tomorrow. I just finished reading a blog of a friend of mine who lost her son during early labor and my heart is devastated. How does a family, who are completely excited and prepared to bring a new life into this world, handle the news that their baby, who they haven't yet met, has passed away? I don't know how a person moves on from that. I think of our bundle of fun on the way and I can't even let my mind wonder to the land of what-ifs. I can't comprehend life with out my little Zaya and Bean. So today I am reminded to live for the moments I have with my kiddos. To let Zaya wear what she wants and play the games she wants even if it makes a mess and if she has an accident, no worries, she'll potty train before she gets married, I'm sure of it. I need to let Bean get rambunctious and make a little extra noise and so what if he doesn't eat a good lunch... he won't starve and I need to just hold him if he wants to be held... he may not want to cuddle much longer. I also want to embrace being pregnant and find joy in this new life unfolding within me. I don't really enjoy being pregnant but today I will love it! I need to love every moment of my kids no matter what stage they're in... they are treasures intrusted to me and JM for a short time and I want to take it all in and not miss a moment. Maybe no more girls-night-outs for me. I'd rather be with my family:)
My babies on the train at the square... this pic is completely typical of their behavior... I love them!
With Aunt Jeannie Poo and the barn to see the horses. They LOVED it!

PS- I think we may find out if our new addition is a boy or a girl tomorrow!!!

The Beach

We took a much needed family trip to the beach this past weekend and let me say, It was AWESOME! We have never taken our kiddos to the beach (horrible, I know) and I haven't been since I was pregnant with IG so we headed off to St. Simons for a long weekend of fun! It was a huge blessing and a huge relief and our family needed to just BE together and enjoy one another. Life gets so busy sometimes and I forget how to just have fun with my family. I thank God for our wonderful kiddos who were complimented over and over again for their great behavior and cuteness. They are just good kids and they came that way! I am thankful for our sweet bundle on the way and how I haven't been sick hardly at all this pregnancy, crazy tired, but not sick:) We're going to have some wild times during next year's beach adventure! I am thankful for my wonderful husband who always puts the needs of our family first over his needs and desires. He is a perpetual giver of his time and energy and goes out of his way to make sure I have down time even when he rarely gets it... he's a great man! Most of all I am thankful for my glorious Friend who cares for every bit of my heart even when it is hard and removed. He gently draws me to himself and in that place I know that I am safe and that my heart is comletely cared for. it doesn't matter what is going on in this crazy world of joblessness, war, socialism, poverty, etc., because in His presence and in His will I am COMPLETEY safe from the chaos of this world. My God is good to me and the desire of my heart is to be as good as I possibly can to Him.

Anyway, here are some pics of my precious ones and a couple family pics:

11 weeks and counting!

So now that our Little One is 11 weeks old, i realize that we may know pretty soon what the sex is for our new little addition. I go back to see the wonderful Richard in 2 weeks and then again 4 weeks after that, we will probably know something then, or have a good idea:) Anyway, we have names picked out either way, so this will be the earliest that any of our children have had a name! I posted a poll on the right to get a good general consensus about the over all guesses of our friends. I'll let you know what JM and I think: we think Peanut is a girl BUT once I saw the ultrasound pic I wasn't all to positive any more. So I am actually undecided, JM thinks we're having a girl. What do you think?

PS- I thought Zaya and Bean were both girls... I'm not a reliable source of information:)

I should get paid more for this

This morning I am having to take Zaya to the doctor because of a reaction to some antibiotics, she has been crying for 3 days straight and hasn't eaten for four, there is a roof leak right on her bed, the plumber is supposed to be coming out to fix a faucet leak in the bathroom, I haven't had a shower, my house is a mess, I need to get together papers for medical insurance that need to be in by the 10th (I got the letter yesterday), my house is a mess and I'm hungry but nothing really sits right these days.

I need a vaction.

Oh April, you have been so busy!

This month has seemed out of control! From the kiddos getting one disease or another from week to week to having repairs done here and there around the house to wedding festivities to numerous Easter celebrations to finding out we will have another peanut by the end of the year, we have been busy! Here are some pics of our good times:
The Nysewander cousins:Oh my goodness!!! She is PERFECT!
Playing with Poppy and Mimi's rain barrel:

He doesn't walk, he runs:)
My flower boy... he loves hats, sunglasses, flowers, whatever!And the prettiest girl:
Zaya and her pal in the tunnel at our fav park!
Bean found a sink full of water in the play house...
Sweet girly face!


So besides just business, we're having another Nysewander! We are so excited and the more and more we think about the fun of having three of our babies so close together, the more excited we get. Don't get me wrong, I know how hard it will be at times but I absolutely love having our first two bundles of love close. They play together beautifully and fight together beautifully but they play with other kids so well and I think it is because they have each other to' practice' with. When Bean joined our life it was crazy and quite honestly, it was hard but everyday was a little easier and a little more fun... Which bring us to today where I have plenty of time to upload pics and post a blog because my kids are content and they have each other for entertainment! They have their moments when Bean needs constant love and Zaya can't quite figure out how to stop crying (but I can relate!) and in those moments I want to run away and hide but all-in-all my kids are rock stars! They understand life as them being a part of something instead of being the center and I think that is important for kids now, in this generation. I am praying for our new love that will be joining us that this little person will love his or her big sis and brother and that Zaya and Bean will rise to the occation of being the 'big kids' and love and care for their new sibling. We're excited and can't wait to see the evolution of our family over these next few years... God is SO good to us and I know that this next year will be so good too!!!

Bye for now!

The Nysewander 5

Look for a new Nysewander arriving in December!

I'm just so tired... so i'm going to the tea party!

Ok, so I'm not really an activist. I am however just so tired of the spending problems in our government and society. Don't get me wrong, I like a latte every now and then and I like going out and doing fun things with my family but our reality is that if there is no money in the bank, then there is nothing to spend. We have had some credit card debt from time to time but we have always worked really hard and cut MANY corners to get rid of it, so why can't the LEADERS of our country do the same thing? I'm not pro-democrat or pro-republican at this point- they both suck and have failed us miserably. I'm just tired of it and I want ALL of our governing officials to apologize for their reckless spending and to do everything in their power to CUT ALL EXTRA SPENDING until our economic crisis is over. Thats it, it doesn't seem impossible to me or my family so we're GOING TO THE TEA PARTY!!!

here's the web page with info:
http://www.atlantateaparty.net

Thanks for letting me vent! Does anyone want to carpool to MARTA?

Jacob's 1st Birthday!!!

Today is my sweet little man's 1st birthday and I can't believe it. There are a few things that I know about Jacob and one of them is that he is AWESOME. I know mothers think their kids are great, but my kids really are:) There are a million reason I could give why Jacob is the phenomenal human specimen that he is but my favorite thing about him is this: Jacob is all in. The boy has no concept of holding back, he is in this life 100%, he is going to feel all there is to feel and take on any challenge that presents itself (except the challenge of coping without mom) :) I love him passionately and with everything in me I want to see him enjoy the life he has been given. God has blessed me with Jacob, not just that God has blessed me with 'a son' or 'a child' but God has blessed me with this child, with Jacob. I love him more than words and I am a better person because of him being here this past year.





So, I love you sweet Jacob and I pray that God shows you every day of your life that YOU ARE CHOSEN. You are His and we are blessed to have you, but are here for a reason, so continue to live passionately and fully for your God and there is no limit to what your life will be. You are loved greatly! Happy birthday little man, its been a fun year:)

A March post... dang, I'm getting good.

We went to the park today with the little watkins and a little varner and it was SO much fun. I love having friends and being able to see them regularly. I also love spring because it means the weather is nice enough to go outside and play with friends:) Anyway, here are some pics from today:

I am so bad!

I haven't blogged in FOREVER! I should be fired as a blogger but I knew it would be sporadic because its the way I journal too. I have friends who can journal everyday until the end of time and they will die with their entire lives in writing. I, however, will die a mystery because I can't journal unless the Lord has done something big in my life or I'm mad. So if people find my journals after I die they will think that I was an angry woman who had moments of nearness to God. Sorry? No, I really wish I could do all of this better.

ANYWAY, we have had a few milestones around our house as of late...
- Zaya has begun to really test her limits (and mine) and she loves to whine. Don't get me wrong, she is still amazing, smart and pleasant, she just knows that she can control things a little more now. I really can't complain because I've seen other kids at 2 years old and her bad days resemble their good days... she is a jewel:)

- Bean, the wonderful Bean. Yesterday he took 2 steps! Its the beginning of my baby being a boy... I'm so happy and so sad all at once! He is an amazing creation and when he smiles he looks like he is trying to force out all the joy in him but he can't... its great. He was dedicated at church 2 weeks ago and that was a precious time with God and family. It was great giving him back to our God and being thankful for the gift that he is to us. John Mark prayed that he would be persistent in going after the the things of God like Jacob was in the Bible and that is our prayer for this little bundle of ours:) I did however fully forget to mention it to the B-fields, dang it! They should have been there with us, they're family!

- Our friends Steve and Randel are a part of a Wesleyan Fellowship church plant in Paulding County (Vintage 242) and JM and I prayed about it and decided to join them in this adventure. I know its going to be a crazy ride but the vision that they have for the church and the community is exactly what I would envision a life-giving church to be. I am excited for all of us to see what God is going to do over the next few years and I'm proud to have Steve and Randel for friends because of their hearts and obedience to God... they are some of the best!

Ok, so I've blogged in 2009, see you again in 2010!